The H.E.Buddy


I live in Texas these days, and there’s a supermarket chain called H-E-B out here. HEB stands for founder Howard Edward Butt, which is a funny name because butts are funny.

Its mascot is the H-E-Buddy, sometimes styled Hebuddy.

Like all mascots, H-E-Buddy is alive. However, this instantly creates problems, questions that must be answered.

Is the H-E-Buddy just the bag and it’s carrying the food around? Or is the food part of H-E-Buddy?  The carrots form its hair, so I fall in the latter camp.


What happens when the carrots rot? When the meat spoils? When the bread goes stale?

What happens if I eat the bread? Does H-E-Buddy lose motor function? Does it replenish itself

How thick is the bag? Are there eye stalks on the inside, brushing up against a box of Peanut Butter Crunch?

What does it eat? If I eat its contents… does it eat mine?

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