Posts Tagged ‘reddit’

#moviepuke

2017/05/28

moviepuke

Let me tell you about the worst thing I’ve ever made.

I was born–in 1984–at the tail-end of a generation of children that experienced what I would call a heyday of “gross”.  1984 brought us both The Toxic Avenger and Ghostbusters; 1985 both Garbage Pail Kids stickers and Madballs toys (and the concomitant craze of knock-offs and also-rans); 1986 Cronenberg’s body-horror movie The Fly

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One of my earliest memories is going to see Ghostbusters II in the theatre when I was four years old. Slime took center stage here, to the point that it’s heavily implied Egon rubbed some on his dick.  The slime featured in the movie, in the cartoon, post-personified as Slimer, and was available in toy form:

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If I’m giving too breezy an overview here, it’s because I hope to cover my experience with these things in full at another time.  The point is, I grew up with gross toys, gross media, gross food–

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–you could say I was imprinted by a particular aesthetic.  By no means has my entire generation remained fascinated with it as I have, but again, I think it’s fair to say I got to experience the first flourishing of “gross” before it became–as all things do–devoured by the pop culture industry. I benefitted by exposure to artistic masters who managed to make the gruesome appealing.

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The point is I’m a lifelong fan of the disgusting. Chalk it up to a lack of bodily sympathy, an ability to think of things without also pseudo-sensing their smells or textures, or the fact that I ate my boogers as a kid, but what can I say?  I find it all amusing.  Much like Gulliver found out in the land of Brobdingnag, beauty up close is frightening.  There’s lot of weird stuff in the human body, and some of it comes out, occasionally even when we don’t want it to…

And that’s where #moviepuke comes in. Or, out, really.

There are others like me, and some of them make films.  When it’s not being used to decry the dangers of teenage drinking, or to depict how much the cancer patient’s body betrays them, vomit is quite often used as a gag (ha) in movies, so much so that some critics complain about its frequency.  And I’m sure you would have no problem naming a movie where someone vomits for comedic effect.

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Did you think of Problem Child 2? The Sandlot? Team America: World Police?

(If you thought of The Exorcist or Monty Python’s The Meaning of Life first, I bet you’re over 40. That’s okay.)

I can’t find it now, but a few years back a friend on Twitter posted a link to a list of movie posters that featured characters peeking out from under or behind manhole covers.  By the way, if that list is still extant somewhere, here’s one that kind of fits:

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I realized then that the Internet is a place where every possible grouping of things that can be made will be made. Further, if it’s not a question of if, it’s simply a question of when and who.  Being the occaisonally-arrogant librarian that I am, I figured if someone was going to put together a supercut of all the times that someone visibly vomited in a movie, it ought to be someone like me.  Someone who knows how to search Google in ways unknown to the average layperson.  Someone who is dedicated to just about every idea he’s ever had.

So I set to work.  I scoured Google.  I asked on Reddit.  (I got about 100 films from one Reddit thread, right alongside accusations that I masturbate to the scenes. To set the record straight, I don’t.)  I found websites catering to people who couldn’t stand to watch–or even, for some, hear–vomiting, with lists of films containing such scenes.  Hell, for one of the blogs, people would write in and give descriptions of what scenes to be wary of, and even timestamps in some cases. Early on, I made a distinction between vomit discretion and vomit indiscretion, thanks to TV Tropes.  One of the most important sites I’ve come across is Kids In Mind, which lets you know everything that anyone could find objectionable in the films it lists.  It even makes the distinction between whether the vomit is seen, heard, or only talked about.  I went through the full list of 2,000+ films on IMDB whose records included the user-applied keyword “vomiting”.  I looked up information on forums for foreign films.

I bought dozens of DVDs, many from overseas, some at a price of $20 apiece or more.  I slowed down my computer for a full three days one weekend by (illegally) downloading 100+ different films.  I downloaded films from YouTube. I sought out filmmakers for confirmation before purchasing DVDs. I was told by one rightsholder that I would not be allowed to use the scene from a movie (I still did).  I begged reviewers on letterboxd.com to share files with me.

I watched dozens of films.  I used the slider tool in Windows Movie Maker to scan quickly through hundreds more. I watched funny movies. I watched great movies (I got to rewatch The Cook, the Thief, His Wife and Her Lover). I watched what may well be the most graphically disturbing movies ever made. (I left the four movies in the Vomit Gore series out of the supercut entirely.)

I was disappointed when films featured only vomit discretion (that is, where the vomit is not seen at all).  I was upset when unknown people on unknown websites confused vomiting with sneezing, or spitting.  I had to make intense, sometimes philosophical, decisions for some films.  Can a severed head vomit? Did the guy in Jaws vomit, or did he even still have a stomach at that point? Does a CAT 3 Japanese video of a woman eating and then vomiting, and then having sex, count as a film?  What length must feature films be? Should the vomit scene last only as long as it takes for the vomit to exit a person’s mouth, or should it last until the vomit has come to rest? What about artfully edited scenes, like that in the Sandlot, that show vomit, but don’t show it coming out of someone’s mouth? (In the end, I removed most like that; but I have kept the Sandlot because people will tell me to put it in if I don’t.)

For a while, I posted the scenes individually to a YouTube account.  This is where things started getting frustrating.  To begin with, these scenes are all copyrighted by someone. So I had to deal with being told that I didn’t have the rights.  I had to appeal cases left and right that my use of the material was “fair” according to common understandings of the term; at the very least that my use was transformative.  But then I started getting knocked on community guidelines.  The YouTube terms of service, as well as the community guidelines, say nothing about vomiting.  There’s nothing at all in there that would indicate that vomiting would not be allowed.  I was able to appeal most of these successfully–once with the help of someone at YouTube–until finally I wasn’t.  Here’s what I consider an unfair loophole of the community guidelines: if you get too many complaints within a short time span, YouTube doesn’t even have to review the actual videos. They just take them down.  Two or three people hardly constitutes a “community”.  (And why the fuck did someone object to the 1-second clip from the movie Looper? You can barely see what’s going on unless you know what to look for.)  To add insult to injury, they won’t even tell you what exactly was offensive–YouTube will simply refer you back to the aforementioned silent-on-spewing community guidelines.  In one of the weirdest cases, a clip that I used from a 1970s Italian film featured music that was later sampled in a 1990s music album.  Because the album’s rightsholders had registered their works with YouTube, my video got flagged.  That one took some researching to figure out exactly what was going on.

I spent countless evenings and a handful of solid weekends–thankfully not consecutive–finding vomit scenes.  I wanted the list to be as complete as possible.  Certainly this was doable. But I had to keep it from becoming my entire life.  When it came to the IMDB list, I had to make gut choices on which films to watch or scan through; there are hundreds more there that I’ve yet to touch, and may never.

After almost a full year of dedicated work, I gave up at 877 films.  But a few months later I was at it again. I found new lists. More movies had been released in the interim.

In that last stretch of looking, I unlocked hidden achievements, hit squares on the bingo card I didn’t even knew existed.  I found a character named Casey puking. I found Jesus vomiting in a John Waters film. And finally, finally, after 950+ films, I found Tom Hanks throwing up.

I reached 1,000 films last November.

Total length: 2 hours, 19 minutes, 6 seconds

You can see the full list of films here.

I’d like to show it to you. You know what’s in it, you’ve been warned.

Fun fact: the earliest film I can find with a vomit discretion scene (so it’s not in the supercut) is the 1953 film Wages of Fear.

Fun fact: the earliest film in the supercut is a Korean film called The Housemaid, from 1960.  The remake from 2010 is also in the supercut.

Fun fact: The Exorcist is the 24th film in the list chronologically.

Fun fact: Jonah Hill is the most-featured celebrity in the supercut. He’s in there at least four times.

Fun fact: look for all the great Exorcist knockoffs in there!

Fun fact: four of the eight American Pie movies are included.

Fun fact: there was only one scene in the whole thing that made me briefly want to throw up.  See if you can guess which one!

I keep watching movies, and I keep finding vomit scenes. It’s actually a good gauge of a movie’s popularity if I discover it has a vomit scene at random: it simply means that the group of people who have seen it and the group of people who type in keywords on IMDB do not overlap.  The list now stands at 1,055 movies.  Once a year–probably on Christmas break–I plan to update the list, gather each year’s clips. My work will likely never be done.

But I did it.  Over the course of a single year, I collected 1,000 vomit indiscretion scenes.

It’s the worst thing I’ve ever made.

I’m so proud.

Commercials Grandma Taped

2015/12/28

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Hey! If you’re anywhere near my age (31), I think you’ll like this post.

I’ve been carrying a box full of VHS tapes with me for the past 10 years and 5 moves. Since 2015 has been the Year of Doing All These Project I Had Been Putting Off Since I Was On Dialysis, I thought it was time to finally digitize these, upload them to YouTube, and talk about them.

Me IRL

When I was a kid, I didn’t have cable television. We had an antenna, which basically meant that we got the basic networks: ABC (channel 2), NBC (channels 3 and 11), Fox (channel 5), CBS (channels 6 and 12), and PBS/GPTV (channel 8). In middle school, we got an antenna that you could point in different directions through use of a knob on a box. You’d turn the knob, and you’d the hear the antenna on the roof slowly rotating. If you found a good direction for a particular channel number, the device came with its own set of stickers that you could place around the knob’s circumference.

Suddenly, a whole new world of local stations was open to me! The Alabama PBS station on channel 7, which allowed me to watch 2 hours straight of Teletubbies on summer mornings! Things I can’t remember on 13 and 17! And whatever 36 was by then, sometimes I could get Simpsons reruns!

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I was always told we couldn’t get cable because of how far off the road we lived. This was believable enough, given that our landline was staticky due to a buildup of water and spiders in some sort of box connected to the telephone pole. But we were only quarter mile off the highway, so I halfway-suspect now that this was a lie to cover the fact that we couldn’t afford it back then.

What this meant, especially when I was very little, was that outside of Saturday mornings and VHS copies of Betty Boop, Popeye vs. Sinbad, and whatever iteration of 50 Great Cartoon Classics was currently on the shelves at Big “B” Drugs, there wasn’t a hell of a lot of variety to provide me when it came to cartoons. But my grandmother had cable; and more to the point, she had TBS Superstation and WATL 36, Atlanta stations that would show cartoon reruns in the afternoons after schooltime. She also had a VCR, and she would record hours upon hours of what must have been my favorite shows then. Or, possibly, simply what I would sit still and watch; when you’re three years old, those are basically the same thing.

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Tom & Jerry’s Funhouse. Dennis the Menace. Police Academy: the Series. DuckTales. The 1966 Batman show. The Real Ghostbusters. Filmation’s Ghostbusters. The Woody Woodpecker Show. God damn there’s a lot of Woody Woodpecker Show on these tapes.

I don’t remember watching many of these, except for the one with Police Academy and Ghostbusters on it. And I know for sure I never made it more than an hour or so into any of these when I would pop one in the VCR every few years to reminisce. There was a lot on these that I had no recollection of. Like, Dennis the Menace? Nutcracker Scoob? When did I ever watch these things?

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But even getting to see these shows holds no strong appeal for me. Any one of these is bound to be available in some form now, either on DVD, YouTube, or through a torrent site. These days, what means the most to me are the commercials. Just like the Dumpster Vinyl I’ve been uploading (gee, I should get back to that), these commercials are tiny windows into the past, chock full of anthropological & historical wonders such as fashions, language, mores, even, to an extent, the racial makeup of Atlanta between 1987 and 1990 (more on that in a minute).

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So when I digitized these tapes, I also decided to upload the commercials to YouTube. It was a pretty long process of cutting out the shows and leaving just the ads and show bumpers, but I really like the end result. Most of the YouTube videos ended up being about an hour and a half long. And that’s what I’m posting today to give to you, as sort of a late Christmas present. But one that will keep on giving, because, good grief, there’s like 19 of these videos here.

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I’m going to admit, I sort of know what’s here, because I had to scan through these on my computer screen to strip out the TV shows. But I haven’t actually watched more than an hour, total, of all of this. I can tell you that there’s lots of ads for toys and cereal and snack foods. I can tell you that there’s some Disney Channel commercials (probably taped by my uncle, who had a satellite dish). I can tell you that there’s plenty of local Atlanta commercials (keep an eye out for the EZ Rental stuff). I can tell you that there may very well be a surprising amount of commercials featuring African Americans. (When I posted some of these on Reddit, some commenter was bitching about how everything was biased in favor of black people, “even back then”, and who refused to revise his statement in light of me pointing out to him that Atlanta’s population was 2/3 African American by the time of the 1990 census; the number of other redditors who downvoted his comment warms my heart).

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Anyway, without further ado, here’s 23 hours and some change of commercials and station IDs from 1987 through 1990. Watch them all straight through, or just jump around until you find Bubba.